“Ah, you are still new” - I hear. For the seventh time, because I am the seventh person she told exactly this, after asking the question so cliché it’s still used on everyone: “how long you’ve been here?”
“I see what you did there” I say “Tell me, how long is not oh-you-are-still-new ? ”
“oh, it’s not about time.. it’s more about… experiences.”
“like what?”
Most of these are routine things, it turns our: have multiple jobs, move houses, whatnot. There is one interesting piece though:
“You know.. some people start to see… after being here for a while. After you know the place you may start to see the glimpse of reality, behind this golden facade.”
"I'm from Eastern Europe, that was the second week"
Networking events usually start at 6pm. If you arrive on time, you are the second person after the organizer. The real thing starts at 8:30 and peaks around 10:30; by which time there are so many people in the room you cannot hear your own thoughts. If you have any.
Regardless, next day everyone will post “so grateful for this community” on LinkedIn, whether they heard or had thoughts.
This event was called Scaling Beyond: The Next Chapter of Tomorrow 🚀. Nobody will tell you what the previous chapter was, but there has to be an inspirational title, so there always is. By the way, we are scaling more things than Spider-Man did in all the movies since the 90s.
“So you stayed,” says Karim as I enter. Since March that’s the greeting. It replaced “how’s the traffic.” It almost replaced the “how are you” too (standard answer: good-good. Always two, never one or three. Say one and you have something to hide, say three and you stutter or are too eager. Whichever is worst.)
Karim introduces me to Ras. Just Ras, I will never know the full name. He shakes my hand and before I could say a thing: “What do you do?”
I tell him. He nods, recalculating. I can see the exact moment I fall below the line. He excuses himself to find the host, who he also does not know.
In a corner I find Ollie. I’m wondering if he still sells that blockchain thing he could not yet explain to anyone. He gesticulates wildly, explaining something. Ah well, same-same. 30 seconds later I get introduced to Rahul, who is on the receiving end of Ollie’s explanation. He is in procurement. Very large group you have heard of. Fifteen years in procurement; he had bought trucks, antivirus software, chairs, two desalination plants and, in one case a Belgian horse.
“Send me your best price.”
Ollie is still wondering what Rahul wants to buy. He’s a bit more certain in what he is selling, but maybe that’s just the G&T speaking. “Final? We haven’t even discussed requirements yet. Final for what?”
“We always ask to send us maximum discount.”
“Maximum relative to what?”
“Your maximum.”
“But what it is do you want to buy?”
“That’s for technical team. I negotiate price.”
“Ok, what happens after?”
“We ask for revised proposal. Best and final price.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Final is better than best.”
Later I hear he has received nine quotes for a product that does not exist. Seven months later (expedited process) he has rejected six of them as too expensive and forgot about three.
By the window there’s a woman explaining she’s raising at forty million pre-money. What’s the traction? She says the TAM is four hundred million people across MENA. I ask about revenue. She says the TAM is four hundred million people across MENA, slightly slower, in case I missed it the first time.
“Did you hear the new thing?” - Karim again
“Which one?” There’s a new thing every day and that’s only the ones I heard about.
“Every city is coming up with their own word for… getting things done their way. Like the Dubai-it thing. Of course, most of them have multi… multisyllabic names, they are not remotely catchy and rak-it sounded way too much like… other things, all of which are said to be “unfavorable”.
“No crying in the casino, I guess?”
“Don’t be haram, my friend” - he folds back into the crowd.
While I try to find my way to the bar, a 400 carat smile blocks my way:
“Ah, delighted to meet you” - he is warm, he is engaged, he is almost funny.
“Ah, hello Johnny, still a recruiter?” - I finally recognise the face around all the teeth.
“Yes, how did you know? Are you looking to expand your team?”
This is the third time we’ve met. Each time was the first time. I start to believe he really does not remember: maybe he gets reset every morning?
“For now, my team is me and I’m on a diet, so I guess that’s a no?”
“You should; the market is remarkably resilient, but increasingly selective — underscoring the importance of AI native resources who can demonstrate not just technical skills, but a holistic, adaptable mindset. It’s not a hiring freeze; it’s a hiring filter”
“Sorry, what?“
“The region has built a reputation for moving quickly, adapting fast, and continuing to invest in growth even during periods of global or regional uncertainty.”
“Do you really speak LinkedIn?”
“Oh, sorry. Busy week. The market is picking up.”
I try not to scream while increasing the distance. There is not enough space to run here, but I do my best. Still don’t have any idea what “AI native” means.
“Hey, you must talk to Joe, he has a brilliant idea” - booms an accent so British it almost hurts.
“I’m going to publish an anti-magazine. Not to publish, I mean. That’s the whole point.”
“Huh?” - I ask, trying to figure out said point.
“Did you ever get a message from a prestigious magazine you never heard of, promising to put you on the cover?” - continues Joe.
“Don’t we all? The last one said it’s not a sponsored article at all, I just need to cover their cost of doing all the research into my greatness. Very clever.”
“Exactly. See, folks are getting so many of these, they start to suspect they are all fake and they didn’t really get famous.”
“Some take longer than others. We call this ‘locally world-famous’ at home”
“Exactly. Now those folks are getting afraid HR will look at the archives - it’s all on the website - to check if they are one of those people that paid for this. So I thought I’ll do the opposite, NOT publish my customers. And I will do it on the blockchain, now that there’s a lot of talent around while bitcoin prices are down.”
“I don’t want to be the devil’s advocate, but what if this thing gets turned on your customers? If your thesis is true, isn’t there a market for publishing hit pieces that say very nice, very fake things about people you want to damage…”
“Phase two,” says Joe
The next 30 minutes is a blur. I meet a former off-plan flipper who is now an AI company.
“No, I’m not using AI, everyone does that. I am one. Completely new concept. Proptech.”
The pivot was easy, I learn: he changed the cover slide of the deck and bought a .ai domain. The investors are the same four guys who were in the Damag flip and, before that, in a padel court that’s now a coworking space that’s now a shisha lounge.
Another man tells me he has access. To what? He repeats it as a complete sentence. “I have access. Work with an entity. Very imbortant”.
He has a cousin. His cousin has a friend. The friend is close to a director of an office. He can open a door for fifteen percent.
“Fifteen percent of what?” - I ask.
He sounds disappointed. “Fifteen percent” he says. “Of it”
Sitting at the bar, someone has just posted his fourteenth reflection on leadership. It will get eleven thousand impressions. It is about a taxi driver who taught him about resilience.
At 10:40 I make my way out. In the lift, a guy I never spoke to asks for my number so we can explore synergies. He does not ask my name. He will not call.
At 6:15 the next morning my phone lights up. Rahul. “Kindly share best and final offer with maximum possible discount. Management needs today.”